5 Signs that Your Boss is Emotionally Immature

How do you know if you have an immature boss?

Self-awareness is one of the keys to being a good boss. Nobody wants to work for an immature boss. It’s also one of the keys to being a good employee, parent, spouse, sibling, and friend.

When I’m interviewing for senior roles, I look for emotional maturity in candidates.  An emotionally mature person is easy to deal with.  They don’t fly off the handle easily; they aren’t shocked by criticism.

They are stable and and a joy to be around.

Working for a person like this is a joy, and of course, working for someone who is emotionally immature is no fun!

So, following are the 5 signs that you have an immature boss:

  1. They don’t take responsibility
  2. They can only see things from their perspective
  3. They lash out when the pressure is on
  4. They take it all personally

They don’t take responsibility

One of the key characteristics of emotional maturity is that you take responsibility for your own life.  As soon as you hear someone framing themselves as a victim, you know they’re on the wrong path.  Victim language sounds like this:

  • Why are employees such idiots!?
  • My franchisor makes it impossible for me to succeed!
  • The reason I can never win is that the economy is bad
  • My negative attitude is due to the fact that I work with a jerk
  • No wonder I’m an alcoholic; you should see who my parents are

Are these statements wrong?  Well, probably some of them are.  But some are accurately pointing out a real problem.

Employees can be challenging; franchisee/franchisor relationships are tricky; the economy may be bad, you may work with a jerk and your parents are… dysfunctional to put it mildly.

However, the mature person realizes that they are the only ones who can do anything about these situations, and they frame them differently.  They take responsibility for coming up with solutions to make things better.

Here’s how an emotionally mature boss frames these victim statements:

  • How can we build an engaged team?
  • How can I improve my relationship with my franchisor?
  • How can I succeed in spite of a downturn in the economy?
  • How can I build boundaries so the jerk I work with leaves me alone?
  • How can I stop the cycle of alcoholism modeled by my parents?

In short, emotionally mature people take responsibility for their lives; they never assume the role of the victim.

They can only see things from their perspective

This is the mark of the immature person.  They can only see things from their own perspective, never from someone else’s.

This is why they are shocked and enraged when criticized.  They’re unable or unwilling to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and see situations from another point of view.

The emotionally mature person is good at considering all points of view, and recognizing that they aren’t perfect either, and may be part of the problem, not part of the solution.

The mature boss cares about what’s right, not who’s right.

They lash out when the pressure is on

It’s easy to be cool and calm when things are going well.  When there’s money in the bank and your relationships are on an even keel.

When things are going badly, this radically changes for the immature person.  Money is tight, there’s friction with a supplier or an employee, and suddenly you see a very different side of them.

They blow up or make excuses or tell lies or are just awful to be around.  The real you comes out when the pressure is on, not when everything is going along nicely.

Here’s a good way to measure your own maturity level.  Ask yourself:

How much stress can I tolerate before acting out inappropriately to myself or others?

The more mature you are, the more stress you can handle without exploding (or imploding).

They take it all personally

Someone quits and they’re mad.  They lash out and saddle the person with all kinds of terrible motives.

Someone doesn’t buy from them and they have a fit.  They’re offended and won’t talk with anyone and shut themselves up in their office and badmouth the person when it’s all over.

Whatever happens, they take it as a personal attack.

First, the truth is that most of what happens to us is not personal.

People act the way they do for their own reasons most of which have nothing to do with us.

They treat us badly because they are having a bad day, not because we are bad.  They quit without notice because they made a poor decision, not because we’re evil.

Second, mature people recognize that they may well be part of the problem.  They are able to stand outside themselves and look at the situation from the other person’s perspective.

Taking things personally complicates every situation, shuts down communication, and make everyone who does it miserable.

Mature people have moved beyond this kind of thinking.

In summary:

Emotionally mature people are a joy to work with.  You should seek them out as friends, employees, spouses, and bosses.

Following are the 5 signs that you might have an immature boss:

They don’t take responsibility

They can only see things from their perspective

They lash out when the pressure is on

They take it all personally

Additional resources

Thanks for reading this article on ‘Don’t kid yourself, the DISC personality tool can never measure this.’  Below are additional resources from Professional Leadership Institute, the global provider of online human resources and leadership tools:

Trevor Throness is a speaker, consultant, and author of “The Power of People Skills.”  He is also co-founder and senior instructor at www.professionalleadershipinstitute.com https://www.professionalleadershipinstitute.com/

Find more about “The Power of People Skills” here: https://www.amazon.com/Power-People-Skills-Dramatically-Performance/dp/1632651068

Recommended Resources:
 

Uncover your strengths and weaknesses with our complimentary assessment. Boost your effectiveness at work and with your team.

Free Resource Library: Access our extensive collection of valuable resources for instant support in your personal and professional growth.

Explore Our Course Library:

Enhance your leadership skills with our diverse selection of courses. Take your abilities to the next level and become a more effective leader and team player.

Testimonials

Our Clients Love the Professional Leadership Institute

Your team will, too! Check out some reviews from our students.
The PLI program was invaluable to our network.
The range of topics delivered, the open dialogue, experience, and examples that PLI brought to each session were outstanding and provided a path for our Franchisees and Managers to look at leadership, coaching, and connecting with their teams in a new light. Many have implemented these strategies in their bakeries and have seen immediate results.
Michelle C.
COBS Bread
Highly recommend to help your team move forward
We have locations around BC and Alberta, so getting people on the same page can be very difficult... Until now. Our entire management team and location managers take the same great courses and then meet monthly online with our coach to apply it to our situation. People are engaged, the courses are excellent, we love our coach, and we are all learning together!
Jason Fawcett
President, Kelson Group
The result has been a transformation of our culture. 
We decided to implement PLI's strategies across the country in over 150 locations and over 3500 employees.  The result has been a transformation of our culture.  People's lives have been positively impacted - professionally and personally.  Morale is high and sales and profits are up as a result.
Daryl Verbeek
Daryl Verbeek
We’ve learned how to fix ongoing personnel issues once and for all
The roadmap laid out set our business up to quintuple in sales.  We've learned how to fix ongoing personnel issues once and for all, attract top talent, and spend our time focused on results, not internal staffing problems.  I highly recommend PLI to you - it's worked for us!
John DeJong
Satisfied Client
I had no idea that running a business could be this fun!
In less than 18 months of working with Trevor, he has transformed my business from being average to exceptional, where mediocrity is not acceptable, where being great is standard.  Working with PLI has allowed me to realize my dream of not simply owning a job, but owning a business.
Justin Bontkes
Principal, Caliber Projects
Our culture has taken major steps forward this year
Our culture has taken major steps forward this year with Trevor’s help.  He is funny, relatable, and his tools are very very practical and have helped us focus and upgrade our teams throughout our retail network. Trevor recently spoke to an employee group, and one person remarked, “I could listen to Trevor all day.”   We would highly recommend Trevor.
Stan Pridham
Founder, KMS Tools
The results have been remarkable
At first, we resisted, “This just won’t work with a law firm.” But we persisted and the results have been remarkable: our client base and profits have steadily improved, and staff engagement and morale is the healthiest its ever been.
Doug Lester
Partner, RDM Lawyers
Helped our fast-growing business become what it is today
I've experienced PLI's approach first hand and it's been crucial to sustaining our growth.  I can't imagine a business that wouldn't benefit greatly from his help.
Brian Antenbring
Founder, TEEMA
Provided practical ways to make positive changes
Trevor was incredibly well-received by the entire organization. He was able to articulate people issues that many of our franchisees were experiencing and provided them with practical ways to make positive changes. We have implemented the Star Chart tool across the organization and see it as vital to building happy, effective teams.
Aaron Gillespie
President, COBS Bread
Scroll to Top

Start Learning Today

For Individuals

Unlock your potential and accelerate your career with sought-after management and leadership skills.

 

Transform Your Organization

For Teams

Book a consultation to discuss your challenges and discover how we can help you build a winning team.

 

Sign Up For Weekly Tips!

Get Weekly Coaching Tips Straight To Your Inbox Every Monday.