These tips are about work. Usually. Having said that, your work life and your personal life are the same life. One spills into the other. When work is going well, you’re a better partner. When home is strong, you’re better at work. In that sense, it is a work tip.
I want long term married people to pay special attention to this one because it’s too easy to run on auto pilot.
These may not be true for you, but let’s call it 1000 wives vs 1000 husbands. Take the best, leave the rest.
Here are our basic needs (according to “His Needs Her Needs” by Willard Harley):
Let’s start with hers:
- Affection
- Conversation
- Honesty and openness
- Financial commitment
- Family commitment
Husbands, how are you doing meeting her needs? Score yourself out of 10 on each one.
His are:
- Sexual fulfilment
- Recreational companionship
- An attractive spouse
- Domestic support
- Admiration
Wives, how are you doing? Score yourself out of 10.
If you do the things,
YOUR SPOUSE CAN’T HELP BUT LIKE YOU.
One tip for each partner:
Wives: If you don’t feel “in the mood” put your feelings aside and (within reasonable and respectful parameters) take steps to meet his needs. He’ll be happier and more inclined to meet your needs.
Husbands: Get past the “how was your day/How was YOUR day?” conversation.
Google “conversation starters for couples” and screen shot some questions. Then go out for dinner, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY, let her know that you’ve PREPARED something (she’ll be staggered) to make your time special, and talk through the answers to some meaningful questions. Questions like:
- What’s something that scares you about getting older?
- What are the top 3 qualities you admire in others?
- What does success mean to you? Professionally? Personally?
- Who are your 3 best friends and what do you like/admire about each one?
- Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet?
- What was your favorite age to be and why?
- What words of wisdom would you share with your younger self?
- What’s been your favorite life stage and why?
- What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? Why?
- What are the bright spots in your life today?
- What’s one roadblock in your life that has you stuck?
You might work through only one or two questions, but you’ll be talking about something meaningful. You’ll also be meeting her needs, which makes her more inclined to meet yours.
You can’t change another person. You can only change yourself. Start today by being a better, more selfless spouse.
Try it out. The happier your home life, the better your work life will be too.
