People Need To Feel That You Are For Them

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Think right now of someone you personally know who has changed you.  Someone who has been influential in your life; a teacher, a coach, a religious leader, a club leader, a parent, or a friend.

Now ask yourself, ‘did you feel like that person was for you?’  Maybe they were tough on you, but did you know they were in your corner?  That the reason they had challenging things to say was that they wanted you to be your best?  That they cared?  That they… liked you?

You’ll find that this was/is the case every time.  Input doesn’t much help unless you believe the person giving the input cares about you.

If you’re a leader of someone else, there are likely traits in that person that you wish weren’t there.  You wish they weren’t sloppy, or late, or dramatic, or rude or whatever else it is.

Just recognize that they won’t change unless they believe that you are for them;  that you care, and really want them to be their best.

Whenever I’m in a situation where I have to address performance issues, I always begin the conversation the same way.  I say:

“I’m here for one reason only, and that’s to help you win.  You losing in this situation is a loss for me too.  So I’m here to help you become your best.”

And it’s true.  Maybe their best outcome is to improve;  maybe their best outcome is to work somewhere else where they can really thrive.  But I want them to win, and I want them to know that, and believe it, and feel that from me.  Because if they don’t, I know that we won’t get anywhere.

Here’s a lesson for life:

We tend to trust those we believe are for us.  We tend to disbelieve and distrust those we believe are against us.

So, if you want to see life change in someone you’re working with, adjust your attitude.  Get in their corner, and let them know that you care.

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Written by Trevor Throness
Trevor is a veteran coach, keynote speaker, and the author of the book “The Power of People Skills” released by Career Press NY in 2017. He’s also written for or been featured in places like Forbes, Inc, The NY Post, The Globe and Mail, Entrepreneur, CEO Magazine, and numerous podcasts and interviews.


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