I hear about and deal with new HR issues every week. For the past few weeks, I’ve been mulling this tip over in my mind. I want to share with you some keys to success in dealing with people problems at work and at home. If you use these ideas, it will make a REALLY BIG difference in how successful you are at dealing with people issues.
Ideas to remember
- Hold the highest thought: Isn’t this what you would hope others would do for you? This is about giving others the benefit of the doubt. We’re quick to excuse our own behaviour as reasonable, while dismissing the behaviour of others as evil. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
- Don’t make assumptions: The truth is, you don’t know why that person didn’t return your call, seemed not to notice you in the grocery store, gave an unusually curt response, skipped your meeting or party. You just don’t know. Don’t assume, because when you do, you almost always assume bad things. And many times, those things simply aren’t true or accurate.
- Don’t take it personally: People respond to you and to situations the way they do because they believe it to be in their best interest at that time. Their response is actually not about you. Maybe they’re hurt, maybe they feel their needs aren’t being met in some way, maybe they struggle to control their darker relational impulses. The point is, none of this is about you, so don’t make it about you.
- Give up on your desire to control others: The idea that you can control someone else is only an illusion. Be honest, you can’t really even control yourself, let alone anyone else. Respect the right of other people to make decisions that you think are bad. Be content with doing your best to influence others to make the best decision possible under the circumstances. Be ok with the fact that it is THEIR decision, not yours. (see #3)
- Take the initiative to reach out: If you hold the highest thought and don’t assume anything, you have the freedom to reach out and ask. Try asking:
a. Help me understand…
b. Please elaborate…
c. Tell me more about… - Take the high road: Do the right thing by others, even when you get stung from time to time. Don’t get down in the gutter, even if they do. Integrity isn’t free, and going to bed at night knowing you’ve done all you can to do the right thing is worth the price. Plus, word gets around that you are a person of integrity, and your brand goes up.
