The Biggest Indicator Of Immaturity

Sign Up For Weekly Tips! Get Trevor’s Weekly Tips Straight To Your Inbox!

When my wife and I were newlyweds, especially in our first year of marriage, we were frequently offended with and by each other.  We displayed immaturity.

Offenses included conversations like:

  • What does that tone mean?
  • What’s the secret message implicit in you putting your shoes there?
  • Sure you said sorry, but did you really mean sorry?
  • You sure left the room quickly. So, what are you MAD NOW??

And on and on.  Speaking for myself, I acted like a big baby sometimes.  I was quick to take offense.

At some point we both realized that this behaviour was just dumb.  And immature.  Plus, it didn’t make us happy; quite the reverse – when we got into these goofy disputes it just made us both miserable.

Gradually we learned that we all choose when to – and when not to be – offended.

Some action occurs that you don’t like and you have a choice to make: will I take this personally or shrug it off?  Will I dig in, or forgive?

Here’s an incredibly powerful and freeing concept:  You have the ability to choose how you respond to situations.  You can’t choose how people treat you, but you are in full control of how you respond to those people.

This is called responsibility.


Somewhere between the action and your response to the action is a gap.  It’s that short time when you get to choose how you’ll act.  Will you be offended, or will you smile and walk away?  Will you hold a grudge or forget it (or forgive it) and move on?

This is a foundational concept that will actually change your life.  Change. Your. Life.


No one ‘makes you mad.’  You choose to let your emotions get out of control.  No one makes you lash out.  You decide to respond in an immature way.  No one offends you.  You choose to take things personally and let it land on you rather than build personal boundaries so you are a healthier you.

It’s always about you, not about someone else.  Because you can’t control anyone else.  You can only control you.

Today’s world encourages you to be quick to take offense

As if being offended is a recipe for happiness or success in relationships.

For my part, the people I admire (and like) most are those who are really hard to offend.  They give me the benefit of the doubt.  They assume my good intentions unless they have hard evidence to the contrary.  They’re bigger than those petty things.  I want to be friends with those people.

On the other hand, people who are quick to take offense are no fun to be around. They’re prickly. You walk on eggshells wondering what you might have done this time.  You find ways to not be around them.

I’ve said a thousand times that maturity is simply the ability to see things from someone else’s perspective.  When you get good at that, it’s hard to be offended because you get why the other person is criticizing you.  You can see how your behaviour irritates them.  You have self-awareness.

The biggest indicator of immaturity in a person is a quickness to take offense.

So check out your life this week.  When do you react badly?  In what ways to do you need to grow up? And how can you choose a better response going forward?

“It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile”

-Sting, ‘Englishman in New York’

pic hero trevor

Trevor Throness is a speaker, consultant, and author of “The Power of People Skills.”  He is also co-founder and senior instructor at

Find more about “The Power of People Skills” here:

Recommended Resources:

Uncover your strengths and weaknesses with our complimentary assessment. Boost your effectiveness at work and with your team.

Free Resource Library: Access our extensive collection of valuable resources for instant support in your personal and professional growth.

Explore Our Course Library:

Enhance your leadership skills with our diverse selection of courses. Take your abilities to the next level and become a more effective leader and team player.
Written by Trevor Throness
Trevor is a veteran coach, keynote speaker, and the author of the book “The Power of People Skills” released by Career Press NY in 2017. He’s also written for or been featured in places like Forbes, Inc, The NY Post, The Globe and Mail, Entrepreneur, CEO Magazine, and numerous podcasts and interviews.


Our Clients Love the Professional Leadership Institute

Your team will, too! Check out some reviews from our students.
The PLI program was invaluable to our network.
The range of topics delivered, the open dialogue, experience, and examples that PLI brought to each session were outstanding and provided a path for our Franchisees and Managers to look at leadership, coaching, and connecting with their teams in a new light. Many have implemented these strategies in their bakeries and have seen immediate results.
Michelle C.
COBS Bread
Highly recommend to help your team move forward
We have locations around BC and Alberta, so getting people on the same page can be very difficult... Until now. Our entire management team and location managers take the same great courses and then meet monthly online with our coach to apply it to our situation. People are engaged, the courses are excellent, we love our coach, and we are all learning together!
Jason Fawcett
President, Kelson Group
The result has been a transformation of our culture. 
We decided to implement PLI's strategies across the country in over 150 locations and over 3500 employees.  The result has been a transformation of our culture.  People's lives have been positively impacted - professionally and personally.  Morale is high and sales and profits are up as a result.
Daryl Verbeek
Daryl Verbeek
We’ve learned how to fix ongoing personnel issues once and for all
The roadmap laid out set our business up to quintuple in sales.  We've learned how to fix ongoing personnel issues once and for all, attract top talent, and spend our time focused on results, not internal staffing problems.  I highly recommend PLI to you - it's worked for us!
John DeJong
Satisfied Client
I had no idea that running a business could be this fun!
In less than 18 months of working with Trevor, he has transformed my business from being average to exceptional, where mediocrity is not acceptable, where being great is standard.  Working with PLI has allowed me to realize my dream of not simply owning a job, but owning a business.
Justin Bontkes
Principal, Caliber Projects
Our culture has taken major steps forward this year
Our culture has taken major steps forward this year with Trevor’s help.  He is funny, relatable, and his tools are very very practical and have helped us focus and upgrade our teams throughout our retail network. Trevor recently spoke to an employee group, and one person remarked, “I could listen to Trevor all day.”   We would highly recommend Trevor.
Stan Pridham
Founder, KMS Tools
The results have been remarkable
At first, we resisted, “This just won’t work with a law firm.” But we persisted and the results have been remarkable: our client base and profits have steadily improved, and staff engagement and morale is the healthiest its ever been.
Doug Lester
Partner, RDM Lawyers
Helped our fast-growing business become what it is today
I've experienced PLI's approach first hand and it's been crucial to sustaining our growth.  I can't imagine a business that wouldn't benefit greatly from his help.
Brian Antenbring
Founder, TEEMA
Provided practical ways to make positive changes
Trevor was incredibly well-received by the entire organization. He was able to articulate people issues that many of our franchisees were experiencing and provided them with practical ways to make positive changes. We have implemented the Star Chart tool across the organization and see it as vital to building happy, effective teams.
Aaron Gillespie
President, COBS Bread
Scroll to Top

Start Learning Today

For Individuals

Unlock your potential and accelerate your career with sought-after management and leadership skills.


Transform Your Organization

For Teams

Book a consultation to discuss your challenges and discover how we can help you build a winning team.


Sign Up For Weekly Tips!

Get Weekly Coaching Tips Straight To Your Inbox Every Monday.