You’re Not a Victim – What Part Do You Own?

Wherever you have a relational breakdown in your life, whether that’s with your spouse, your child, a friend or a colleague, you own some part of that breach.

Let’s say there was a chart that showed 100% responsibility in total.  How much of it would you colour in?  10%?  50%? 90%?

If you think you’d colour in 0% because you’re the victim, ask yourself some questions:

  1. At what point should I have said ‘No’?
  2. What did I do that directly led to this poor outcome?
  3. Did I choose the wrong relationships?
  4. Did I trust foolishly?
  5. Did I fail to give my very best effort?
  6. Did I believe because I wanted it to be true?
  7. Did I fail to treat the other person with dignity and respect?
  8. Did I choose to focus on the negative?

Here’s the thing – if you can’t own some part of the breakdown, you will repeat the same situation over and over again.  This is because it isn’t about them, it’s about you.  You’re not a victim.  You can make choices that will lead to better relational outcomes in the future.

Colour in the chart honestly, assess where you went wrong and correct the problem for next time.  Wherever you go, there you are.

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